Today has been incredibly unproductive. I feel like I have not achieved anything. I took a day ‘off’ to get admin related jobs done today. It’s almost tea time and I have not crossed one single thing on that to-do list. Who has stolen the hours in the day? I feel pretty flat and disappointed with myself.
Firstly, I overslept. I’d promised myself I would be up by 7.30pm because I knew I had loads to get one. The radio alarm clock went off and apparently stayed on for 1 hour, my husband says… I have absolutely no recollection of that. I finally opened my eyes at 9 o clock! Guilt overwhelmed me, not a great emotion to wake up to. I jumped out of bed and started rushing around to try and catch up on the time I thought I’d wasted sleeping. I decided to postpone my sophrology practice for me and baby to the afternoon along with a couple of work things and went straight to the swimming pool to get 40 lengths done as quickly as possible so I could get back to work asap.
On the way back home, I popped into Next to collect my maternity jeans. I can’t close the button off any of my jeans any more… definitely time for some (not) sexy maternity clothes. Apparently, undone jeans aren’t a good look when out and about and seeing clients! Sadly, I was excited about the prospect of owning mummy-to-be jeans. I ran to the fitting room to try them on… awful… they might stay up if I wore them with braces on… Ok, still not a good look. So, conclusion is: I am too big for normal clothes and not ‘pregnant’ enough for maternity clothes… Mission failed. Try again next month.
By the time I got home, I was starving and grumpy and that feeling stayed with me until I sat down to write this post. When I feel that way, I go into ‘procrastination’ mode big time! So guess what, still not a single thing crossed off my to-do list – although I seemed to have been busy all day. I am confused.
Alright, time to get a grip. I am not letting my day end like this. It’s not happening. Here I am reflecting on my day as I write this article and I realise that, actually, I have learnt loads today and a lot of positive things have come out of it.
Firstly, my body clearly needed the extra sleep I got this morning. I was fortunate enough not to have to be anywhere at a certain time. I knew I was knackered yesterday already as I almost fell asleep in my dinner so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that I needed that extra sleep. I should have listened to myself and factored in this extra time rather than feel guilty about it for the rest of the day. Result is, I slept deeply and soundly and I have much more energy today. As I review the things on my never ending to-do list, I realise none of it was mega urgent, not to the point that I needed to compromise on fulfilling a basic need.
Secondly, I exercised! In the first three months of pregnancy, I did not do anything at all apart from walking to places which doesn’t really count as exercise unless you do it very fast for over an hour at a time! Before getting pregnant, I exercised twice a week doing kickboxing and I felt amazing, healthy and fit. We got married in the summer then moved from Devon to London a few weeks ago… in the midst of packing, unpacking, etc… I put exercising on the back burner. Mistake. I am now well unfit and lost all the benefits from two years of training. Not ideal when you are giving birth in a few months… so I decided last week to sort myself out and I am now doing pre-natal pilates and swimming twice a week. Not bad, isn’t it?! It turns out swimming is my absolute favourite. It is gentle for pregnancy yet giving you a good workout. Today was my second time and I loved it! I had a ‘wow’ experience. Weird yeah? How can swimming be that amazing? Well, read on!
Even though I was behind on my self-inflicted busy schedule, I had always planned to go swimming so as I entered the gym, my sophro brain kicked in ‘you’ll be here for an hour anyway so instead of feeling guilty for the next 60 minutes, why not be in the moment and thoroughly enjoy it?’. So that’s what I did. Length after Length, I kept my attention in the moment, experiencing swimming in a new way through my 5 senses, paying attention to the temperature of the water, how it felt over my skin, what it smelled like (even had an unfortunate taste of it!). I immersed myself in the present moment, letting myself float away with the current, and imagining how baby might be experiencing this from the inside. Lovely. At that moment, I remembered reading in my pregnancy bible book that because baby is surrounded by the amniotic fluid, the quality of the sound that s/he hears is similar to the one we hear when we are swimming under water. I immediately buried myself under water and paid attention to what I could hear. Nothing very exciting, rattling sounds, muffled voices… But then I thought that baby would probably hear all sorts of things… my heart bitting away, my digestive system breaking down my brekkie, my bad singing… a real cacophony. Not that much of a relaxing environment when you think about it!
I let myself ponder on this as I kept swimming. A different but lovely way to connect with baby on a deeper level. It put a smile on my face and brought me joy and excitement thinking about baby’s arrival in a few months. So, all positive things really, I exercised (browny point for me!) and I got to experience this precious time with baby!
Thirdly, I have learnt a lesson: never mess with my routine. I jumped straight out of bed and busied myself around with no intention or purpose in mind which made me feel confused and unproductive all day. I am a creature of habit and I should have known better than going down that path. I should have just taken an extra 5 minutes at the start of my day (which I usually do as well!) to refocus and re-organise my day to fit in the things that mattered the most. That’s all it would have taken.
The thing is, I know all the above, I know how important it is to listen to ourselves and our body but I let it slip out of my radar today and I only re-connected with it as I wrote this article. I know it is ok to have days like that, it happens to everyone and the important thing is to notice when it all starts falling apart and take action before letting ourselves slip into a circle of negativity. Tomorrow is another day, another opportunity to start afresh.
What am I going to do now? Look at my list, review it and reschedule things to other days. Once I have done that, I am going to take 20 minutes to do some sophro, mindfully relax my whole body, breathe my calming word into my body, visualise my baby and send him/her loving and caring energy. Because this is one of the most important things in the next few months, looking after myself and little one. Peanut is kicking pretty strongly right now so I am taking this as a sign of approval!
Then, I will make Daddy-to-be and I our favourite pasta dish. Yummy.