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A little man!

That’s it, second scan done! I knew that at this stage, the sonographer would be able to do a thorough examination but I hadn’t realised how much we would be able to see. It lasted for about 40 minutes. The guy was really nice, talking us through each bit he was looking at and whether it was good news or not. I really appreciated that as it helped me stay relaxed. I did not have time to worry about potential awkward silences that might indicate a problem.

Just like the first scan, peanut had decided to position itself in a weird position which meant the sonographer had to come with a strategy to make it move so we could have a look at its skull. I ended up with the bed tilted, my feet up and my head down, blood rushing to my head! Thankfully, it was enough to make it move and I didn’t have to wriggle my bottom half like I had to the first time around!

He kept the best bit for last, finding out the gender. I was fascinated by how much detail we could see and had not realised you could have a look at baby from all angles! I must admit, I was longing for that moment throughout the whole scan, I was both anxious and excited about finding out, hanging onto every word the sonographer was saying. Thankfully, we did not have to wait for long, it was pretty obvious what we were having… a baby boy!!! 🙂 There is no gap for mistake here, it’s definitely a little man!

When he confirmed it, I felt my heart squeeze tightly in my chest and tears came up to my eyes. I looked at my husband who was staring at me with a big huge smile. He then looked away for a couple of minutes and I could feel by looking at the back of his head that a strong emotion had just rushed through him, a mix of being overwhelmed and happiness brought by the realisation that it is happened, we’re having our first baby, a little monkey boy!

The sonographer then moved on to say that he would recommend a scan in late pregnancy as my placenta was showing a bit low. He told me not to worry about it as it is likely to move up towards the end of the pregnancy. He added that the scan was a common routine check and in most cases, it doesn’t stop women from having a natural birth. In the event that the placenta had not moved up by then, I would need to have a Caesarean. He said it all so casually that I mirrored him, taking it in a relaxed way. It is only when I walked out of the hospital that it sank in and I panicked. I had not realised how strongly I felt about the idea of a Caesarean. In my head, there was no way I was having anything other than a natural birth in a midwife led birth unit.

I felt like I was on a different planet for the rest of the day, I got stuff done but every now and again I felt overwhelmed with mixed emotions, overjoyed about expecting a baby boy and anxious about the realisation I might have to face a birth scenario that I want to avoid at all costs.

A couple of days went past, I carried on practising my sophrology with this new piece of information in mind and my feelings slowly changed, moving me from a place of worry to a place of letting go and serenity. When I work with expectant mums, preparing for birth with sophrology, we work with their wishes for the birth whilst keeping an open mind in the event that they might face a different scenario on the day. If that was the case, they have all they need within themselves to adapt and stay calm and relaxed. So knowing all this, I was extremely surprised by how strongly I felt about my own situation. I knew I needed to work on this feeling straight away and soften up, open up to the alternative situation I might have to face.

I allowed myself to feel worried for a moment but also to let it go for now as we won’t know anything until a few months and even then, the likelihood of the placenta not moving up is really small. The last thing my baby needs at the moment is his mother stressing out about something that may not happen. Secondly, I realised that what mattered most is the birth of a healthy baby and the best care for me and if that means I will need a Caesarian, so be it. It will not be ideal but I can do it. In the meantime, I will not change my outlook on what birth I would ideally like to have, I will keep visualising it, thinking positively and (this bit might be weird but who cares if it works?!) sending good vibes to my placenta to help it move up to where it should be.

I realised that no matter what happens, I have the resources within myself to adapt and turn it into a positive event. I will trust my body’s wisdom and use the power of my mind to face any challenges with strength and confidence.

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